In Jasper's Eyes
by alexandra1991
Summary: What is going on in Jasper's mind that week Bella becomes a vampire? What challenges and difficulties does he face? P.S. Although this is based on Breaking Dawn, I did change a few of the events and the order of events. First Fanfic- take it easy
1. Chapter 1

I couldn't comprehend this. It was beyond my capacity. As if I'd ever thought that something would ever be beyond my capacity. Nothing ever had been, and until this moment, I had believed nothing ever would be. I saw things with such a sharpness and clearness, and what's more, I could feel the emotions of those around me. So why was this beyond me? The only thing more frustrating then being as pitiful and as misunderstanding as a human, was having the worthless emotions of humans. Emotions such as envy, anger, confusion. At the moment, I was feeling weak. And weak is something that a vampire never feels. Except for now.

Why was it that this _newborn_, (my face twisted into disgust while thinking the word) this barely-a-day old _newborn_ had more control than I have now. And while I loved this woman who was standing in front of me like she had been my biological sister, I want to rip her dead heart from her cold stone chest. Because she was showing me up. She was proving us all wrong, and me being the most wrong of all. She was showing us that maybe being a newborn isn't that bad, maybe it's just a matter of preparation and mindset to get you through that horrible, blood thirsty decade of life. I hated her for it. After all I had struggled through, being at that filthy school, having to watch all the pretty girls with their warm red cheeks float right by me, untouched, unharmed. I had to feel the boys' lust every time they got within five feet of Alice and I had to restrain myself from ripping their heads off. I didn't need Edward to tell me what fantasies they were conjuring up in their heads about them and her together, I already knew exactly what they had been thinking. I had been the weak link of the family. Edward had been constantly in my head, monitoring my thoughts. Alice couldn't even pay attention in class because she had been too busy watching my future actions. I had torn them from their comfortable life and turned them into security agents; constantly observing and analysing my every move. And after all that, here was this girl showing them that it wasn't necessary, that she was going to be fine on her own. Independence; the one thing I craved above all others.

I needed to get out of this house, right now.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Alice was my side in an instant. Milliseconds ago she had been across the room, sitting with Bella. She had seen my decision, and she had seen that I was going out. "Maybe I can help?"

Alice was… well Alice. She couldn't read minds, but she knew exactly what was wrong with me. She knew me so well.

"Yes, I wouldn't mind if you came." I whispered quickly, careful to make sure Bella didn't notice our conversation. Despite my fury, I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable in our home.

Across the room, Edward snorted softly and gave me a meaningful look. I knew exactly what he would say; always putting others before myself. During battles, I always kept Alice safe before myself. It was the same here with Bella, I would keep her welcome safe, and deal with my problems by myself.

Edward nodded slightly at me. He agreed with me. It was better to make Bella comfortable at this time. We were all she had in the world now, because there was no way she could see her parents right now.

Alice and I slipped quickly out the door and hurtled over the balcony railing onto the dewy grass. And then we ran. We sprinted into the forest as far as the treaty line and stopped at a little stream that flowed from our land to theirs. Alice plopped herself down on a rock and watched me pace back a forth trying to decide what to say first. After organizing the thoughts in my head I began to speak, only to be cut off by Alice.

"It's not the same." Of course she knew what I had decided to say first. "She was ready, she wanted this…she was…" Alice hesitated before she said the last word, "prepared"

"I really wish everyone would stop saying that." I sighed. "It's no excuse for my weakness, she's just stronger"

"Maybe," Alice mused. "But I doubt it. I don't know what's going on, maybe this is her talent?"

"That's unheard of." I snapped, and immediately regretted my brusqueness. I threw an apologetic smile at Alice. She seemed unmoved by my sudden outburst.

"You never know," she smiled slyly. "One might say _your_ talent is unheard of."

"True, but the questions still remains, _how?_"

"How is anything possible, Jazz? How is our very existence possible? It just is. Just as Bella has a remarkable gift of control."

"I just wish…" My sentence trailed off, _it had been harder for her. _I finished it in my head.

"I know Jasper. But that's not right. Think of Edward, he would've hated seeing her like that. Just as he hated seeing you like that. It's the best possible outcome for the future. Trust me, I would know." She winked at me and grinned.

I smiled back and kissed her lightly. "Thank-you Alice."

"That's what I'm here for." She replied cheerfully. She leaned into my chest and I put my arms around her. The whole moon was now reflecting off the cool waters of the stream, shining a spotlight on Alice's face as she turned her head up to face me. I leaned in, and our lips locked.


	2. Chapter 2

When we returned to the house, Bella and Edward had gone out hunting again

When we returned to the house, Bella and Edward had gone out hunting again. Rosalie was bickering with Jacob about whose turn it was to hold Renesmee and Emmett was in garage deciding whether or not to change the tires on his Jeep. Although there was a sadness looming over the house and I couldn't figure out whom it was coming from. Alice skipped off to Bella's cottage to lie out clothes for her for when she got back and I took the chance to hunt down the source of the anguish. I searched main floor of the house, but I could find no one who seemed so tortured as this person seemed to be. I began to make my way upstairs and all of sudden it was overwhelming. The sadness was staggering. It ripped through my body and tore me into pieces. Who was in our house? Surely it was no one from our coven. How could one feel this way right now? We had just received two new members to the family, Bella and Renesmee. And then it clicked. Renesmee was a baby. An adorable, cuddly _baby_. Esme. It was Esme who the sadness had been radiating from.

I sprinted to her room and took in a deep breath before flinging open the door. The wave of emotion hit me like a wall of bricks. Crushing me down. It felt like I was falling through the floor, down, down, down into the ground. The misery was burying me alive.

"Jasper!" Esme bolted up out of her bed obviously shocked. Her face a distorted twist of surprise and grief. "I didn't see you come in."

I wasn't wasting time with small talk; I was getting straight to the point. "What's wrong Esme?" Although, I already knew.

"Oh Jasper, I'm so sorry!" Realization washed over her face. She knew that her gloom was hard on me.

"Don't be." I said through my teeth. "Just tell me what's going on."

"I miss him." She whimpered. I knew immediately she was referring to Benjamin, her baby. Although it had been a very long time since the loss of her first and only child, the pain that Esme had felt after he died was probably greater than the pain of becoming a vampire. Since seeing Benjamin, Esme had never been close to another baby again. Now, with Renesmee here, all of Esme's welled up feelings about babies were overflowing.

"I'm so sorry Jasper. I thought you and Alice had left for a while and I just thought I'd get some time alone, I didn't know you were back."

I had recovered from the blow of depression that had clouded over me when I had entered the room, and after organizing my thoughts I grasped the emotions of Esme and began to manipulate them. For a few moments, the emotions seemed to fight back, unwilling to be changed, but I twisted them against their will until the result was evident on Esme's face. She had calmed down.

"Thank you, Jasper." Esme sighed and collapsed on the bed. "I needed that. I don't know what came over me. It's just, with Renesmee here I can't help but be reminded of…" I struggled to keep her calm as she thought of her lost child. "him."

"I understand Esme." I sighed and sat down next to her wrapping my arm around her, while still keeping her feelings in check. "But, we have to enjoy what we have, and that's Renesmee." I smiled when I said her name. True, the child was a product of the object of my fury, but one couldn't help but adore her. She was beautiful and charismatic and she _loved. _She loved anyone and everyone who came in contact with her. She reminded me of Alice.

"You're right." Esme smiled and I could feel her happiness. I loved when Esme was happy. The feeling was bright and warm and it made me happy. "Renesmee is a blessing that I should appreciate."

A new aura entered the house at that moment. It was happiness, but a very exhilarated happiness. It was Edward. Next to him was an aura of worry. Obviously Bella. But why was she worried?

"Let's go downstairs." I said. "Bella and Edward are back." _And I want to find out what's troubling Bella._

"Yes, I'd like to see everyone." Esme grinned and floated out of the room while I trailed behind her. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I could hear the conversation that was taking place on the middle floor.

"She's going to _kill _me, Edward." Bella's voice stretched out the word kill and I couldn't help but chuckle. Who was she kidding? There was no one on this earth was stupid enough to even pinch Bella; Edward would rip their throats out.

"I wouldn't worry about it, love." Edward chuckled. "She has a strict one-time wear policy."

I rounded the corner and saw Bella and Edward in the sitting room. Bella was staring down at her bloodied, ripped dress. A Dolce & Gabbana original; Alice had been telling me about it last night after she had chosen Bella's clothes out for her.

"She loves this dress, Edward." Bella explained. "It was one of her favourites from my wardrobe."

"Then she shouldn't have made you wear to go hunting." Edward frowned. He was right. Alice went overboard a lot of the time when it came to hunting attire. A cocktail dress was not necessary.

"I couldn't resist," Alice appeared from the kitchen. "The colour totally brought out the red in her eyes." She winked at Bella, who definitely would've blushed if she'd had the capability.

"I have to agree, it was stunning." Edward smiled at Bella. She looked over at him at rolled her eyes.

"Well it's not anymore."

"I don't agree," Edward replied. "The whole I-just-massacred-all-of-Forks look kind of does you justice." He grinned.

Alice snorted from across the room and danced over to me. She grabbed my wrists in her tiny hands and wrapped my arms around her.

"Thank you Edward." Bella said sarcastically. "Now, can I go get changed?"

"Yeah, let's head out to the cottage." Edward turned and began to leave the room.

"No! Wait!" Alice cried. "Can I come? I want to choose out Bella's clothes for her!" She smiled at Bella apologetically. "Sorry, but you need help."

Edward looked at me for help.

"No you're staying here with me." I said firmly and she got the message. We settled in on the couch, her leaning up against with my arm around her.

"Thank you." Edward mouthed and he and Bella slipped out, followed by Esme who was out to find Jacob, Rosalie and Renesmee.

"Everyone's gone." Alice pouted. She was so social.

"Yep." I grinned.

"What was wrong with Esme?" Alice asked. Obviously she had seen her upset.

"Benjamin." I replied simply. She understood.

"Yeah, she's been thinking of him a lot lately; Edward told me he's been worried about her."

"I got her calmed down for now. But it's not over yet." I sighed. "The sadness was overwhelming Alice. You should've felt it! She's needs us so much right now."

"I know Jazz, but maybe she just needs to get through by herself. Without help." She looked meaningfully at me as if telling me to stop messing around with her emotions, providing an illusion of wellness.

"I know what you mean, but I can't help myself, she was miserable."

"I know Jazz. But you got to be tough," she smiled shyly, "Ignore your conscious. Yours is too good." She lifted her head up to mine and looked into my eyes.

"You're one to talk." I whispered as I leaned in towards her. She met me half way and we embraced. Her lips parted slowly and her breath filled my nostrils. It was floral. Our lips moved together in sync. As if made for each other, they fit perfectly together. She grasped my hair and moved to my lap. I barely felt the change of movement; she was light as a feather.

"Ahem." Someone cleared his throat. Alice and I separated and looked to see where the voice was coming from.

"Can you guys save it for when you're alone?" Emmett said sarcastically.

"Oh please, as if you and Rose grant _us_ that luxury." Alice retorted. She tired to slide off my lap, but I grabbed her around the waist, bracing her where she was. We were going to continue this, once Emmett cleared out.

"Whatever. I came here asking if you love birds had seen the monkey wrench?" Emmett tapped his foot impatiently.

Suddenly there was a rage. I didn't know where it had come from. I clutched Alice closer to me and held her there tight.

"Jasper, ow. Oh, let go of me what are you-"

"Shh." I listened. Bella was yelling at Jacob. Here was the snap I had been waiting for. They were in the front yard. I scooped Alice up, carrying her with me out the front door; wanting her to be as near to be as possible.

"You named my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?!" Bella screamed. Then she lunged.

I set Alice down on the ground, yelling at Emmett to keep close. I lurched forward, too late. Jacob and Seth were both on a pile on the ground, Bella looming over them. Seth was whimpering and Jacob had thrown himself over him. I raced over and grabbed Bella. She whipped her wrists away from me and turned around thrashing her teeth at my face. I dodged the bite and ran a loop around her, stopping behind her and grabbing her around the waist from behind. I kicked her lower back, sending her flying across the yard into a pile on the other side. Edward roared in my direction and darted over to where Bella had landed, clearly unharmed. Alice snarled back at Edward from behind Emmett's hulking body, before going over and picking apart the tangle of werewolf a few feet away from me. At that moment, Carlisle pulled up in his car, on his way home from work. After taking a few moments to survey the mess, he asked calmly; "What happened here?"


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm so sorry, Seth

"I'm so sorry, Seth." I rolled my eyes when Bella apologized to Seth for the hundredth time. She should be apologizing to me, Edward was still mad at me for being so violent when I could've just used my talent to calm things down. It was instinct to me to be violent and forceful when dealing with a newborn and he should understand that. Edward glared at me from across the room.

"Well, I don't." Edward whispered.

_You know what's it like for me being around her. You of all people should understand that. _I thought.

Edward sighed and stood up. "Jasper, could I talk with you outside for a moment?"

I nodded and followed him outside. We walked along the edge of the woods in silence for a few moments.

"Jazz, can you just trust me on this one? Just this once? Just believe me when I say that Bella will be alright?"

"Edward, you know I go by my instincts. Besides Alice, that's the only things I trust. I can't just relax around her. She's only days old."

"I know." Edward looked down. "And I don't know how to explain it, but I think she's going to be different. She's unlike most newborns."

"But she's still a newborn Edward!" I said viciously. "Do you think I haven't seen a controlled newborn before?! In the end they're all the same!"

"You've never seen one like Bella." Edward said quietly. He knew he was right. I hadn't.

"Edward, please." I longed for the permission to go by my instincts and he knew that.

"I can't grant you that Jasper. I won't have you stalking her around and watching her every move." Edward was firm.

I sighed exasperated and I contemplated running into the woods, just to get away. But he'd catch me he always did.

"You wouldn't stand a chance." Edward confirmed my thoughts.

Nevertheless, I turned and ran. In a few seconds, I heard him running behind me. He was gaining on me. He wasn't going to let me off on this one. I turned sharply, but it did no good. I would never be able to shake Edward. With this thought, despite myself I slowed down slightly. There was a loud crack and I was sailing through the air. I hit the ground hard and water splashed up onto me. I had landed in a swamp. I rolled my head over the side and closed my eyes. Hoping he'd leave me alone. He didn't. Edward grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up out of the mud.

"Jasper enough!" Edward growled. "The next time you attack my wife for no reason-"

"No reason?!" I spat. "Edward she could've killed Jacob and we both know how she would've felt after she'd done that. I'll step in whenever I have to and I'll be on guard all the time. Because it's our family at risk."

"No it's not. There's no risk at all." Edward exclaimed. "She proven herself."

"Proven herself?! She just had the outburst I've been waiting for since she was born. It's not the end of it."

"I'm done talking about this Jasper. Get off Bella's back" Edward commanded.

"No."

"What?"

"I'm not going to. I told you Edward, I'm going to keep watching her until I know she's ok."

That pushed Edward over the edge. He crouched down and a snarl ripped through his teeth. I returned the snarl and then he was on me. I fell back into the mud, Edward was clawing at my wrists trying to get a hold of them. I got my feet underneath his chest and pushed him off of me. I came at him from a different direction rather than head-on and plowed into him. A growl escaped his chest as he turned on me again and came barreling toward me. I met him half way and he both collided into each other, throwing punches. Edward's fist finally connected with my chest and I was thrown backward into the mud again.

_Enough_ I thought.

I heard Edward stop behind me. I stayed lying where I was, too tired to get up. Not physically tired, because that could never happen, but emotionally tired. I'd been on guard for six days and I was tired of always being afraid. I didn't want to be on watch for Bella anymore, but I couldn't help myself. What if, for one second, I wasn't watching and that was when it meant Alice's head? I couldn't bear the thought.

Behind me Edward's mood softened. "Jazz, I'm sorry." He walked over to me and pulled me up. But this time it wasn't as forceful. "Let's go home."

Edward motioned for me to lead the run and I took off. With the wind flying around me, it was easy to forget. I took in a deep breath and sped up; eager to be home.


End file.
